+ 0023 [art dump] 006

A quick doodle to release anger. I calmed down a lot after I drew something.

I have a feeling that Evans is going to dominate my blog (coz I plan to use this doodle as my banner-- if I ever decided to get a new layout design) XD /gets chopped

+ 0018 Kau Ilhamku

Feeling a bit melancholic lately, and feeling like translating a Malay lyrics into English XD (okay just want to test my Malay skills)
Please forgive me, but my English is not very good, correct me if you find mistakes.

The song is Kau Ilhamku by ManBai



Kau Ilhamku (Original Malay lyrics)
Beribu bintang di langit kini menghilang
Meraba aku dalam kelam
Rembulan mengambang kini makin suram
Pudar ilhamku tanpa arah

Sedetik wajahmu muncul dalam diam
Ada kerdipan ada sinar
Itukah bintang ataupun rembulan
Terima kasih ku ucapkan

Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu
Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu
Maafkanlah oh...
Andai lagu ini mengganggu ruangan hidupmu
Kau senyumlah oh...
Sekadar memori kita di arena ini

Kau ilhamku, kau ilhamku

You Are My Inspiration (Translated (crappily) English lyrics)
Thousands of stars in the sky are fading away
Touching me in the dark
The glowing moon is turning dismal
My inspiration fading away without a direction

Your face appears momentarily in silence
There is glimmer and there is shine
Is that a star or a moon
I said 'Thank you'

May I steal the reflection of your face
May I steal the imagination with you
Forgive me...
If this song interfere your living space
Please smile...
For just the memories of ours in this arena

You are my inspiration, you are my inspiration

+ 0016 Contemplating.

I don't understand what's going on with me lately. I tried to work on art commisions I owe, but somehow I don't feel like doing it. And then, I tried switching to art trades, but it ended up the same way. However, a lot of crazy ideas popped out when I opened a new blank canvas. I'm so hopeless, I mustn't waste time on doing stuffs for myself. But I couldn't help it.

Seeing I have 20 minutes before bed time, I'm just going to write what I felt currently.

I don't know. I feel, weak. Being surrounded by artists way better than myself, it's quite intimidating, to be honest. And they are all such nice people too, I don't deserved all the kindness. I feel guilty of my existence, sometimes, yeah. I do wonder... sometimes, if I am never here in this world, what kind of world would it be? I may just be one tiny human, I wonder if I actually make impression to this world?

I have always wanted to be someone people will always remember from time to time, someone people will go through troubles to make me feel better. But then, I realised all these are nothing but selfishness of mine. How can a rotten person like myself deserve all this good treats? It's so wrong. I dare not to think further, perhaps I'm just the kind better left alone. Solitary. It's not like I hate it, I actually pretty enjoy being alone. I feel peaceful with nothingness, emptiness.

No matter how much I deny it, the truth is, I am just a simple being. I'm happy when I get to draw what I felt. That is all. I don't have too much of desires, I dare not to. It only leads to bigger disappointment, I told myself. I just wanted to be happy. If I am happy, I feel succesful in my life.

But I wanted to improve on my drawing skills so much it pains me when I couldn't do it quicker. I blame myself for starting so late in the age of 16, it is my deepest regret. I just thought maybe I should be grateful for the this drawing ability given to me. I really should. I can not imagine what my life would be if I don't have these hands. I have to say though, I don't excel in drawings, my coloring is of average level, my concept and ideas are rather generic. People told me I make my drawings nice with textures. I suppose I'm quite good at texturing, but still, it's nothing to be amazed of, really. I feel like, if I have to choose one I'm best at, I would say, concept and ideas. Though, not the most original you see, but I do think I'm good at it. I do wish I can improve on English... well, I couldn't complain about this very much as I only started to learn English seriously at 16.

Bah, what a long ass whining essay I've written. Please excuse me, it's just me being emo. I now felt better after writing all these, I will manage myself somehow, please do not worry about me. I will just have to remind myself that I have a strong heart and everything will be okay.

Thank you for reading, dear lovely readers ♥